The Creative Struggle

Heyyyy Friends!

So to introduce myself, incase you don’t know (or haven’t read our bios), my name is Shelby and I am the digital media manager for Legacy 31. I’m originally from California and ended up at MTSU, and decided to stay in Middle Tennessee for the time being. So to be honest... when I thought about what I was going to write this week for our blog I had no idea. I wanted to write about 4 different things, that didn’t necessarily go together, so I couldn’t write about all of them, and I couldn't narrow it down to just one thing, of course. (i’m really trying to work on making decisions this year y’all lol) So I decided on writing about the struggle of the 9-to-5 creative millennial, because that is me, and it’s a struggle!! (Send help, forreal)

So by day I am a Freight Broker for a logistics company in Nashville, and by night, if you will, I am a digital media manager. I like my job, but you know it’s not what I want to do in the long run, it’s a paycheck to pay my bills and adult, which I feel like a lot of us creatives have. I graduated from MTSU, tried working for a marketing agency in Nashville, was not for me, so I became a broker. The pay was good, I had a set schedule, and my job was pretty chill honestly. So, as much as I hate to admit it, I got comfortable. I didn’t always have so much going on until the summer of 2018, so I was just chilling, and working like I was okay with staying at my job for a good 10 years. Like I said, I got comfortable. While working as a freight broker, I met a lot of people, specifically, a LOT of creative people. Meeting different people and realizing we’re all so talented and can utilize each other to collectively collect a bag was what really gave me that push to do what I wanted to do, despite being scared.(Fear is my biggest bully) I looked at myself in the mirror one day and said “Baby gurrrl, you were not put on this earth to be a freight broker, you better get up, get right, and go collect a bag. If anyone can do it, you can.” So now that I am actively trying to pour some of my energy, time, and focus into the things I love to do, which is not what I spend most of my day doing, is proving to be HARD. 

Waking up at 4:30am(when I go to the gym) and working from 7:30am-4:30pm is exhausting for me mentally. I look at a computer screen allllll day, talk to at least 140 different people a day and deal with rude,obnoxious people all day. So come 4:30 pm and I am ready for a glass, or 2 of wine and to relax and restore my mind, because I have 4 more days of this, or 3 or 2, either way, it’s a lot sometimes. So I get home and instead of drinking all the wine I can get my hands on, I look at my to-do list which is steadily growing by the passing days, and overwhelm myself. I have 5 different Facebook/Instagram/Twitter posts that need a graphic and a dope ass caption, a makeup look that needs to be created and photographed, a half written blog that needs to be finished, and some chapters of a book I’m writing that needs to be finished. Obviously all of it can’t get done, but I’m too mentally tired to even start somewhere, and get my creative juices pumping. Sometimes I force myself to pump out something and sometimes I don’t, which is completely okay. I’ve said all of this because, y’all, it’s a struggle! Do you hear me?! A. STRUGGLE. Some days I really be in my feelings because I didn’t do anything on my to-do list, and I feel like a failure, but I’m not, and if you can relate, neither are you! Everyday I wake up, I’m just trying to be better than I was the day before. Now ONE day, i will be able to get all that done and still have time for a glass of wine, but right now, I don’t so the struggle is real!

I really didn’t want this to come off as complaining, I didn’t write this to complain and sound like “woe is me”. I know I have the power to make my own decisions and I’m in control of my own destiny, but I wrote this because I feel like there are some creatives out there that can relate to this. Being burned out from your job and having to try and force some creativity or creative content out of yourself, and good content, not just anything. I just want y’all to know, I understand what you’re feeling and I feel you! If no one else understands, I do! BUT, with continued dedication and hard work, one day we’ll be able to be creative all day and get paid to just live and be us in our natural habitat. We go this y’all, just one day at a time! 

Let me know if you feel this way! Message me or @ me on Twitter/Insta: @ayeesymonee (Twitter has 3 e’s at the end) if you feel me, we can start a helpline of positivity when we’re feeling burned out and having creativity blocks! We can do anything we set our minds too, especially when we have others in our corner rooting for us! 

I’m rooting for y’all! 

<3 Shelbz

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